Midlife Crisis or Awakening - Amit Raj

 

The Prelude of Life

When we were young, in our teens and 20s, it felt like we had life all figured out. There was this unwavering confidence that the world was ours for the taking, and every decision we made seemed like it would lead us straight to happiness and fulfillment. Back then, looking at people in their 40s or 50s felt almost alien. They seemed “old” or “past their prime,” like the best years of their lives were long behind them. It was easy to believe that everything important, everything exciting, happened when you were young.

But then, I reached my 40s, and I realized just how misguided that thinking really was.

When you look back on your younger years, you start to see the patterns, the misguided beliefs, and the illusions that shaped your decisions. You realize that the first few decades of life often feel like survival mode. In those years, it’s all about chasing the things we’re told will make us happy:

1.   Success: We’re taught to believe that climbing the ladder—be it academic, professional, or social—is the ultimate goal.

2. Money: We think a higher paycheck equates to greater happiness and security.

3. Status: There’s this desire to be recognized, admired, or respected, whether it’s through titles, possessions, or social media validation.

4.  Relationships: Many of us spend our younger years seeking validation in love, trying to find “the one” or chasing fleeting connections that promise to fill a void.

We work tirelessly, often recklessly, pouring every ounce of energy into building what we think is the foundation of a successful, happy life. And maybe we are building something, but it doesn’t always feel like it. Amid the hustle, there’s an undercurrent of doubt, a sense that something is missing, even if we can’t quite put our finger on it.

By the time we hit our 30s, life has already thrown its fair share of curveballs. The pristine plans we made in our 20s often don’t pan out the way we imagined. We face:

1.   Setbacks: Plans derail, opportunities slip away, and sometimes, we’re left starting over when we least expect it.

2.   Failures: Professional stumbles, personal mistakes, and dreams that don’t come to fruition. Each one leaves a mark.

3.  Heartbreaks: By this stage, most of us have felt the sting of loss—whether it’s the end of a relationship, the death of a loved one, or the disappointment of unmet expectations.

These experiences start to shape us in ways we don’t fully understand until much later. The setbacks humble us. The failures teach us resilience. And the heartbreaks, as painful as they are, remind us of the depth of our capacity to love and feel.

Yet, in the middle of it all, we’re often too busy surviving to realize we’re growing. We’re so focused on “what’s next” that we rarely stop to reflect on “what is.” And that’s the irony of youth: we’re in such a rush to live, we forget to actually experience life. It’s only later, when we step back and take stock, that we see the beauty and the lessons hidden in those years.

Midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s an awakening. And it begins with understanding that those early years were not the pinnacle of life—they were the prelude. 

 

The Awakening

In our 40s, something shifts. Life slows down—not because the world becomes any less chaotic, but because we’ve grown weary of running the race without knowing its purpose. It’s in this phase that the term “midlife crisis” begins to loom over us. But what if it isn’t a crisis? What if it’s something far more profound—an opportunity to finally awaken?

In our younger years, we were so focused on building a life that we often forgot to live it. Midlife presents us with a mirror, forcing us to confront the person we’ve become and the choices we’ve made. It’s uncomfortable, even painful at times, but it’s also liberating. For the first time, we have the chance to ask ourselves the big questions:

• Who am I beyond my roles and responsibilities?
• What truly matters to me?
• How do I want to spend the rest of my life?

This stage is not about giving up; it’s about letting go. Letting go of the need to prove ourselves to the world. Letting go of the unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves in our youth. Letting go of the fear of judgment, failure, and even success.

Instead of chasing external validation, midlife invites us to turn inward. We begin to seek:

1.   Purpose: What once drove us may no longer fulfill us. We start to look for meaning in the things we do and the relationships we nurture.

2.  Balance: The relentless hustle of our younger years gives way to a desire for harmony—between work and life, ambition and contentment, giving and receiving.

3.  Authenticity: There’s a newfound courage to embrace who we truly are, imperfections and all, and to show up in the world as our most genuine selves.

The beauty of this awakening is that it’s not about regret; it’s about growth. We begin to see that our setbacks and failures were not wasted years but stepping stones. Our heartbreaks were not the end of love but lessons in its depth and resilience. And our misguided pursuits of happiness were part of the journey to discovering what truly brings us joy.

Midlife is not the end of the story. It’s a new chapter, rich with the wisdom of experience and the promise of renewal. It’s the moment we stop merely surviving and start truly living.

 

The Turning Point

By our 30s, many of us have settled into our careers, our relationships, and perhaps even parenthood. But eventually, a realization sneaks up on us: we don’t have everything figured out. In fact, we begin to understand that we might not have anything figured out. The goals we thought would bring us fulfillment often lose their luster, and the dreams we once clung to no longer resonate. For the first time, we begin to question the very path we’re on.

By the time we reach our 40s, life changes in ways we never imagined. Life has tested us—repeatedly. We’ve worked hard to build careers, nurture relationships, and create a version of success we thought we wanted. And then comes a moment of reckoning: for the first time, we’re forced to confront our own mortality.

The finite nature of life becomes undeniably real. Loved ones begin to pass away. Mortality is no longer just a distant concept—it’s an unavoidable truth. The weight of this realization can be crushing. We’re faced with the inescapable knowledge that time is ticking by and that tomorrow is never guaranteed. It hits us deeply: one day, we will close our eyes and never open them again.

For many, this is what triggers what society calls a “midlife crisis.” But I don’t see it as a crisis. I see it as an awakening. It’s a chance to break free from old patterns and ways of thinking that no longer serve us. It’s a time to shed the masks we’ve worn for decades and stop seeking validation from others.

In the early years of my 40s, life knocked me down hard. I faced dark mental struggles that forced me to my knees. These were moments of despair, but they were also moments of transformation. The darkness became a catalyst, pushing me to confront the truths I had been avoiding and to redefine what truly mattered.

This awakening isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. It’s the moment we stop living on autopilot and start asking ourselves what kind of life we want to lead. It’s a time to rewrite the story, to live with intention, authenticity, and purpose.

Midlife isn’t the beginning of the end; it’s the start of something new—a turning point that allows us to finally step into the fullness of who we are.

 

Awakening Through the Darkness

There was a time when I questioned everything—my purpose, my life, my future, and my decisions. It was a period of immense gloom, filled with stress and endless hours of relentless thinking. Those moments felt like an abyss, but they were also pivotal. The darkness forced me to confront the unvarnished truths of my life, and in those truths, I discovered something extraordinary.

What I found was the incredible life I had built—not the life others expected of me, but the one I had forged through relentless hard work and countless sacrifices. All the struggles I endured, the setbacks I encountered, and the heartbreaks I overcame shaped me into someone stronger, wiser, and far more capable than I ever imagined. By the time you reach your 40s, you find yourself at a crossroads, a turning point. The urgency of youth begins to fade, and with it, the obsessive concern for what others think of you. For the first time, you start prioritizing what truly matters in life:

1.   Your family

2.   Your health

3.   Your passions

4.   Your peace

5.   Your purpose

This phase of life mirrors the teachings of the Upanishads, the ancient Indian scriptures that delve into the nature of existence and self-realization. The Upanishads teach us that the ultimate goal of life is not external achievement but the discovery of the Self (Atman) and its unity with the universal consciousness (Brahman). They remind us that true fulfillment comes not from the pursuit of transient pleasures or worldly gains but from aligning our lives with our deeper spiritual essence.

In your 40s, many of us find a newfound stability. The hustle and grind of our early years begin to pay off, and we are finally able to enjoy the fruits of our labour. But the greatest revelation isn’t material success—it’s realizing that success isn’t about money or status. True success lies in waking up every day and living a life aligned with your morals and values. As the Upanishads assert, "Satyam eva jayate"—Truth alone triumphs. Living authentically and embracing our inner truth allows us to transcend the superficial layers of existence and move closer to spiritual liberation.

This process of shedding societal expectations that weighed us down for decades aligns with the Upanishadic concept of "Neti, Neti" (not this, not that). It is the idea of letting go of all that is not essential to uncover the eternal truth of who we are. We stop chasing fleeting trends and trying to fit into molds that were never meant for us. We stop living for others and start living authentically for ourselves. This mindset shift is deeply liberating, allowing us to focus on what truly matters.

The Upanishads also emphasize the importance of balance, encouraging us to prioritize what the texts call "Shreyas" (the path of the good) over "Preyas" (the path of the pleasant). By embracing this wisdom, we begin to focus on nurturing our relationships, caring for our health, pursuing our passions, cultivating inner peace, and living with purpose.

By the time we reach our 40s, many of us experience another profound shift: our children are growing or already grown, and we begin to grasp the true value of time. As the Katha Upanishad teaches, "Time, as a charioteer, leads all living beings toward their ultimate destination." It becomes crystal clear just how precious every moment is. We stop wasting time on people and things that don’t add value to our lives, focusing instead on the relationships, passions, and goals that genuinely enrich our existence. This awareness is a gift, a reminder to live fully and intentionally, grounded in the present and mindful of the eternal truth within us.

 

The Light Beyond the Crisis

I don't see midlife crisis as a crisis at all. I see it as a wakeup call—an opportunity to reassess and redefine what we actually want from our lives. It’s a chance to let go of the excess and baggage we’ve been carrying around and to step into the next chapter of a renewed life. Beyond the darkness lies light—a new perspective, a deep appreciation for life, and a clearer sense of who we truly are.

I strongly believe that our 40s are the time to rediscover joy. When was the last time you truly prioritized your happiness or fulfilment? Not the fleeting kind that comes from a promotion or a new car, but the lasting joy of a life filled with meaning and purpose. This is the time to finally pursue the passions we’ve put on the back burner; to nurture the dreams we’ve held in abeyance for so long. Whether it’s spending quality time with loved ones, building something meaningful, or developing a new hobby, our 40s present an opportunity to create a life that is genuinely fulfilling.

This is also the time to invest in ourselves—mentally, physically, and spiritually. Taking care of our bodies becomes critical, not just for longevity but for a life of quality. Exercise, nutrition, and rest are no longer optional; they are absolutely essential. Mentally, it’s about releasing toxic relationships and discarding the limiting beliefs we’ve clung to for years. Spiritually, it’s about embracing the essence of who we are and connecting with the deeper truths of existence.

I believe this decade is about embracing change. Change is inevitable, but in our 40s, we begin to see it as something not to fear but to harness. Change can mean growth, and growth can lead to becoming the best version of ourselves. Life, I’ve come to realize, isn’t about accumulating things or proving ourselves to others. It’s about forging meaningful connections, building high-quality relationships, and being unapologetically true to ourselves.

Stepping into this phase of life should not be met with dread but with excitement. It’s an opportunity to grow, evolve, and create the life we’ve always dreamed of. Your best years are not behind you; they are still ahead. Life is short, so make it count. Don’t wait for the perfect opportunity or the approval of others to start living authentically. You’ve made it this far—through struggles, hardships, and triumphs. Do yourself a favor: embrace this moment, and step confidently into the next chapter of your life.

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Warm Regards,

Amit Raj